Top Things You Don’t Want to Overhear Over an Airline P.A. System


Top Things You Don’t Want to Overhear Over an Airline P.A. System 1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices. 2. Hey folks, we’re going to play a little game of geography trivia. If … Continue reading

The plane is crashing into the ocean


The plane is crashing into the ocean Flight fifty has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom: “Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and assume crash positions. We have lost our engines and we are trying to put this baby as gentle as possible down on … Continue reading

The Christmas airport


The Christmas airport It was a few days before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back home. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols. Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being … Continue reading

Are blind pilots flying?


Are blind pilots flying? One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both … Continue reading

A blind pilot is flying this plane?


A blind pilot is flying this plane? I was flying from San Francisco to Los Angeles. By the time we took off, there had been a 45-minute delay and everybody on board was ticked. Unexpectedly, we stopped in Sacramento on the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be another 45-minute delay, and if … Continue reading

Flying without a parachute


Flying without a parachute A man jumps out of an airplane with a parachute on his back. As he’s falling, he realizes hiss chute is broken. He doesn’t know anything about parachutes, but as the earth rapidly approaches, he realizes his options are limited; he takes off the parachute and tries to fix it himself … Continue reading

There are lawyers on the flight


There are lawyers on the flight An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. “All set back here, Captain,” … Continue reading

Trouble with plane engines


Trouble with plane engines While cruising at 36,000 feet, the airplane shuddered, and a passenger looked out the window. “Oh no!” he screamed, “One of the engines just blew up!” Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the … Continue reading

The Top Twenty Flight Advertising Slogans


The Top Twenty Flight Advertising Slogans 1. BadAir: When you just can’t wait for the world to come to you. 2. BadAir: We’re Amtrak with wings. 3. Join our frequent near-miss program. 4. On flights, every section is a smoking section. 5. Ask about our out-of-court settlements. 6. Our staff has had lots of experience … Continue reading

There was a place crash in Poland


There was a place crash in Poland A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening. Sent from my BlackBerry® powered by TwitterFeeds.blogspot.comFrom: Twitter Feeds … Continue reading

What was the problem before?


What was the problem before? Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?” “The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,” explained the Flight Attendant, … Continue reading

Results of damage testing


Results of damage testing It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane’s windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies. The theory is that if the windshield doesn’t crack from … Continue reading

A plane flying in the 1930s


A plane flying in the 1930s In the early 1930’s, a farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost. “$10 for 3 minutes,” replied the pilot. “That’s too much,” said the farmer. The pilot thought for a second … Continue reading

Half off these tickets


Half off these tickets USAir recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking, “What trip?” … Continue reading