OH NO! My new Rolex is gone too!


OH NO! My new Rolex is gone too! One day in New York City, a banker was driving his new Jaguar down the streets. He parked it and opened the door to get out. Suddenly a taxi went by and ripped the door off. The driver reported this to a nearby police officer. The officer … Continue reading

Employee want ad translations


…Employee want ad translations… Energetic self-starter: You’ll be working on commission. Entry level position: We will pay you the lowest wages allowed by law. Experience required: We do not know the first thing about any of this. Fast learner: You will get no training from us. Flexible work hours: You will frequently work long overtime … Continue reading

Who is doing the work around here?


…Who is doing the work around here?… The population of the United States was 180 million at the time of writing, but there are 64 million over 60 years of age, leaving 116 million to do the work. People under 21 total 59 million which leaves 57 million people to do the work. Because of … Continue reading

The copy machine handout


…The copy machine handout… In most offices, the photocopier is out of order every now and then. One copy repairman had answered question after question for the employees. Finally one day, he just smiled and handed them this sheet. The copier is out of order!Yes, we have called the service man.Yes, he will be in … Continue reading

Looks bad on resume cover letters


…Looks bad on resume cover letters… 1. I’m really keen to work for you, I hear the drugs are good. 2. I regret that I have no references. Unfortunately, every company I have worked for has since closed down. 3. I’ll kill myself if I don’t get a job. 4. I know where you live. … Continue reading

Performance evaluation translations


…Performance evaluation translations… A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused. Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job. Active socially: Drinks heavily. Alert to company developments: An office gossip. Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job. Average: Not too bright. Bridge builder: Likes to compromise. Character above reproach: Still one step … Continue reading

Bosses versus workers


…Bosses versus workers… When I take a long time, I am slow.When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough. When I don’t do it, I am lazy.When my boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy. When I do it without being told, I’m trying to be smart.When my boss does the same, that … Continue reading

The work qualification test


…The work qualification test… Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The … Continue reading

How to look busy


…How to look busy… Generally, this will not be a concern until you are promoted to an executive position. But once you’ve created the illusion that you serve even the slightest purpose at your place of “business,” there’s no telling how far you’ll go. In the real working world, productivity is all a matter of … Continue reading

The accident report


…The accident report… Dear Sir, I am writing in response to your request for additional information for block number 3 of the accident reporting form. I put “poor planning” as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient. … Continue reading

The boss tells some jokes


…The boss tells some jokes… The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, but one girl laughed uproariously. “What’s the matter?” grumbled the boss. “Haven’t you got a sense of humor?” “I don’t have to laugh,” … Continue reading

Stop being late to work


…Stop being late to work… Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to … Continue reading

Fake two dollar bill


…Fake two dollar bill… On my way home from the second job I’ve taken for the extra holiday cash I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my wallet is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of the cash I have on my person. I … Continue reading

The ten ifs of employment


…The ten ifs of employment… 1. If it rings, put it on hold.2. If it clunks, call the repairman.3. If it whistles, ignore it.4. If it’s a friend, stop work and chat.5. If it’s the boss, look busy.6. If it talks, take notes.7. If it’s handwritten, type it.8. if it’s typed, copy it.9. If it’s … Continue reading