Steven Wright on dogs
… Steven Wright on dogs … The other day, I was walking my dog around my building…on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths. I had a dog once. I spilled spot remover on him, and now he’s gone. I put contact lenses in my dog’s eyes. They … Continue reading
Three very tough mice
… Three very tough mice … Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness. The first says, “I’m so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!” The second says, “Well I’m so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!” … Continue reading
A good chess player
… A good chess player … A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. “I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. “That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.” “Nah, he’s not so smart,” the friend … Continue reading
Rules for Cats Who Have to Run a House
… Rules for Cats Who Have to Run a House … 1. Introduction The following is a manual of guidelines for the busy cat(s) who will have a house to manage after adopting one or more humans. It is, of course, impossible to cover all possible situations, as those humans are always up to some … Continue reading
Three very tough mice
Three very tough mice Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness. The first says, “I’m so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!” The second says, “Well I’m so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!” Then the … Continue reading
Steven Wright on dogs
Steven Wright on dogs The other day, I was walking my dog around my building…on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths. I had a dog once. I spilled spot remover on him, and now he’s gone. I put contact lenses in my dog’s eyes. They had little … Continue reading
Question and answer animal jokes
Question and answer animal jokes Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To show the armadillo that it was possible. Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get away from Colonel Sanders! Q: Why did the chicken cross the road twice? A: Because it was a double-crosser. Q: Why did … Continue reading
Never talk to the parrot
Never talk to the parrot Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn’t accommodate her with an “after-hours” appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you … Continue reading
I’ll use my seeing eye dog
I’ll use my seeing eye dog A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head. The store manager, who has seen … Continue reading
A very insulting parrot
A very insulting parrot This elderly lady, recently widowed, decides to see if a pet will ease her loneliness and goes to the pet store. She decides against puppies, kitties, etc., and is about to leave the store when she hears a voice saying, “My, do you look lovely this afternoon, madam.” She turns around … Continue reading
He is a very smart dog
He is a very smart dog I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny … Continue reading
There was just a dog fight
There was just a dog fight A man walks into a bar one day and asks, “Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?” “Yeah, I do!” a biker says, standing up. “What about it?” “Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him…” “What are you talkin’ about?!” the biker says, disbelievingly. “How could your little … Continue reading
A game of animal football
A game of animal football The animals were bored. Finally, the lion had an idea. “I know a really exciting game that the humans play called football. I’ve seen it on T.V.” He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play. … Continue reading
A cat’s dictionary
A cat’s dictionary Purring: Sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness. Purrverse: Poem about a strange kitty. Purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something. Human being: Automatic door opener for cats. Purrpetual: Everlasting love for domesticated felines. Purrson: A male kitty. Purrpetual motion: A kitty playing. Sent from my BlackBerry® powered by TwitterFeeds.blogspot.com … Continue reading
Two fools are about to go flying
Two fools are about to go flying Two morons stand on a cliff with their arms outstretched. One has some budgies lined up on each arm, the other has parrots lined up on his arms. After a couple of minutes, they both leap off the cliff and fall to the ground. Laying next to each … Continue reading
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